Friday, October 24, 2008

Stretch marks and sniffles....

Yes, I have them both.

Luckily the stretch mark is on a part of my belly I can't see unless I'm looking in a mirror :-)

It's just one, and it's super small, but that just means it's starting. I have 6-8 more weeks of stretching to go.

I am sick.

I have been fighting it since last weekend. I keep thinking it's getting better, and then it hits me harder than before. It would be fine if the house wasn't such a mess and if Jarrod wasn't gone so Phoebe had someone to entertain and walk her. She's not demanding by any means, but it just breaks my heart when she comes up to me with her ball and wants to play and I don't feel like it.

Jarrod is in Charleston, SC playing with the Charleston symphony... and while we're both super excited about the opportunity he got to play there, we both decided we like it better when he's at home. We miss him a lot. I am lucky, to say the least. We both have jobs that allow us to spend a lot of time with each other. Especially this summer, before he started teaching a tremendous load of kids, we were together pretty much all day. I must say, I don't get tired of him (pregnancy hormones and all.) He is truly my best friend and someone who no matter how much time I get with him, I always look forward to the next time I get to see him.

This was going to be a short post just about being sick and getting a stretch mark... but I wanted to share a thought I had at IKEA the other day.

As I was eating my Swedish meatballs and looking out over the parking lot, I heard a tiny voice calling for mommy. It hit me like a ton of bricks... that's going to be my name soon.

I think I have finally come to acknowledge the fact that I am going to have a baby. I think that I have grasped the reality that a small stranger is going to come into our life and turn everything upside down (in the best way possible, of course.) What I have a hard time realizing now is not just that I'm going to have a baby... but that baby is going to have ME as his mother. How scary is that? I'm not saying that it's scary to have me as a mother... I'm saying what a scary thing it is to be some one's mother.

Mommy makes everything better. Mommy makes the world a less scary place. If you can't do something, it's okay because mommy can do it. If you're afraid - you need mommy. If you're hurt - you need mommy. If you're excited - you need mommy. If you're worried - you need mommy. If you're hungry - you need mommy. If you have a question or need advice- you need mommy. How often he will hear phrases like "goes ask your mom." "don't forget to get your mom's signature." "Hasn't your mother ever taught you..." "does your mom let you do that?" And of course, in the shrink's office "tell me about your mother."

What a responsibility! Am I ready? NO WAY! I don't think any of us are. Am I ready to give it the best shot I can? You bet!

When I get bogged down about thinking of all the different methods for feeding, sleeping schedules, potty training, time outs, public / private schooling, and all the other myriad of choices I'm going to have to make as a mother, I realize that the "big picture" of motherhood is this: to be a model for the unconditional sacrificial love of our heavenly father - using both compassion and discipline. Along the way, if he gets hungry, I'll feed him and if he gets dirty, I'll wash him. None of us had perfect mothers, and I'm pretty sure my son will be no exception. I do know, though, that he will never have to wonder if his mom loves him.
I'll close my random post with a very common sight in the Robertson household. Notice where Phoebe is. This is her favorite spot to be, given the opportunity. We miss you, Jarrod. We can't wait till Sunday to see you!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'll be home to the girls soon


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