this post is not meant to be a "complaining" post. I am more than thrilled with the circumstances of my life, and my roles... I'm just trying to figure out how to fulfill those roles effectively.
I have to have routine. If I don't have a schedule, I feel like I don't have control over anything. I become a mess and can't keep up with anything - housework, playing with Levi, working, other commitments.
As I type this, Levi is taking a nap (at 9:30 at night!), my house is a disaster area, I have clients who are waiting on stuff from me, I've had to say no to doing some stuff for the women's ministry at church.
Yesterday, I had to take Levi to the doctor in the middle of the afternoon, prepare to take a client out the next day, create sign up sheets, a poster, and flyers for church, as well as prepare a menu for my mother in law's dessert business - all to be done that night! (all of those things I volunteered for, and I was excited and more than thrilled to do them). I stayed up until 2 in the morning and had to be up the next day at 7 to meet a client. I had emails waiting in my inbox from people who want me to help them find apartments that I hadn't gotten back to. My house was a mess, and we had no food in the fridge. We are running out of clean clothes, and our dryer is full of a load I put in almost a week ago and still haven't put up. I'm going to have to rewash them and put them in the dryer... and they'll probably stay there for another few days and have to start the process over again. In these conditions, I freeze. I don't know what to do, and I end up doing nothing. I told my friend I would not be able to create the poster and flyers for church, and Jarrod cooked dinner. That was a huge help.
Why am I writing this blog instead of doing the 1,000,000 things I have on my plate? Because I don't know where to start. I don't know when baby boy is going to wake up from his nap, and I don't want to get elbow deep in washing his bottles when he's going to need me.
I feel overwhelmed all the time
I feel like I have 100 things to do every day, and I can only get 10 of them done.
I feel like I can't give 100% of myself to anything
I feel like I'm letting everyone around me down
I have realized that I can never accomplish everything that I want to accomplish in one day, but I'm not okay with that (yet)
I don't know how to work from home, care for my son, and keep a nice house.
As hard as I try every day, I cannot get Levi on a routine. I try to be consistent with feedings, naps, amount of playtime, etc. but he just won't cooperate. He's not fussy about it - he just is so inconsistent with the amount of sleep he needs and when.
He never asks to eat. He never fusses, so it's hard to tell when he needs anything. I can tell when he's tired because he rubs his eyes and yawns and sometimes fusses - but even if he acts like he's as tired as possible, sometimes he'll go to sleep for 20 minutes and then be WIDE awake and smiley. I've tried just keeping him in bed for at least an hour each time he goes down for a nap, but I just can't walk out of the room when he doesn't seem tired in the least, and he's as happy as can be.
Sometimes he eats a 6oz bottle and doesn't seem satisfied. Sometimes he'll refuse to eat altogether.
How can I plan for my day and get anything done when I have no idea what to expect? How can I call a client when I put Levi down for a nap, when he could wake up at any moment?
Help...
And now, he's taking a nap at 9:30 - and his bed time is around 10?!?! How does that work?
Help...
It's not so much a problem of the amount of things that I have to do... the problem is my approach. There are enough hours in the day... I just don't know how to manage my time, especially when I'm not the one in charge of my time anymore.
I don't know how people with multiple children do it...
Help... seriously. Any advice is gladly welcomed!
2 comments:
Hey there, my name is BreAnna. I am a friend of Jennifer Simmans. She asked me to pop over here and read your blog.
I have four kids. Let me tell you what you are experiencing is motherhood! And you are very right about some things. There aren't enough hours in the day, kids don't always cooperate with our schedules, you can't get it all done even though you want to.
The answer to this is, let yourself off the hook!
I spent a long time guilting myself over not being superwoman. But I finally had to ask myself, "what would you say to someone else in these circumstances?"
The truth is, I give much more grace to others and not any to myself!
Motherhood has a big learning curve! I would love to give you some encouragement and tips if you are interested. You can email me or get my number from Jennifer. fowlerpartyof6@gmail.com
In the meantime, know that every mom struggles in this and I am praying that the Lord grants you some peace as you continue on in this journey.
And just when you think you have a schedule/routine figured out, Baby's eating and sleeping needs will change.
I remember consoling myself with the thought that she won't go hungry. Even now, I supply her with something to eat and drink every few hours so it's there if she needs it. She may only eat a few bites, but sometimes, I think, that's all she needs. Other times she's ravenous and will ask for more, so I give her more. I guess it's easier when they can tell you what they need. In not so many months, you can teach Levi a few signs so he can let you know if he needs "milk" or "more," that kind of thing.
Until then, it's kinda just being ready for anything. Lucky for me, this time was a little easier because I DON'T function as well on a strict schedule. Flying by the seat of my pants is more of my niche. If Olivia was hungry or sleepy, we just feed her or let her sleep. However, she also wasn't as good about sleeping through the night, maybe or maybe not because of this.
Mostly, remember to relax and not stress about what's undone. Something (many somethings) will ALWAYS be undone. Remind yourself of what you have taken care of...feeding your son physically, emotionally, spiritually; being a supportive wife; a lovely friend.
And since you're a mommy now, you really need to learn the art of asking for help. You have family and friends who have all needed and accepted help from you and others. If I was stressed to the core, wouldn't you want me to call you and ask for help? It's ok to ask someone to spend some time with Levi so you can get caught up with work or housework or even just have some time to yourself. It would be good for everyone involved.
You're a precious mommy, Stef. I'm so glad this day has come where I can see you in this role. Everyone who knows you would have predicted you'd be such a wonderful mommy, and you are! Whenever you doubt that, look at how happy and healty Levi is, and reread this sweet poem:
http://www.agiftofpoetry.com/Mother_To/mother_birth_song_for_fifth.htm
Love you!
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