this post is not meant to be a "complaining" post. I am more than thrilled with the circumstances of my life, and my roles... I'm just trying to figure out how to fulfill those roles effectively.
I have to have routine. If I don't have a schedule, I feel like I don't have control over anything. I become a mess and can't keep up with anything - housework, playing with Levi, working, other commitments.
As I type this, Levi is taking a nap (at 9:30 at night!), my house is a disaster area, I have clients who are waiting on stuff from me, I've had to say no to doing some stuff for the women's ministry at church.
Yesterday, I had to take Levi to the doctor in the middle of the afternoon, prepare to take a client out the next day, create sign up sheets, a poster, and flyers for church, as well as prepare a menu for my mother in law's dessert business - all to be done that night! (all of those things I volunteered for, and I was excited and more than thrilled to do them). I stayed up until 2 in the morning and had to be up the next day at 7 to meet a client. I had emails waiting in my inbox from people who want me to help them find apartments that I hadn't gotten back to. My house was a mess, and we had no food in the fridge. We are running out of clean clothes, and our dryer is full of a load I put in almost a week ago and still haven't put up. I'm going to have to rewash them and put them in the dryer... and they'll probably stay there for another few days and have to start the process over again. In these conditions, I freeze. I don't know what to do, and I end up doing nothing. I told my friend I would not be able to create the poster and flyers for church, and Jarrod cooked dinner. That was a huge help.
Why am I writing this blog instead of doing the 1,000,000 things I have on my plate? Because I don't know where to start. I don't know when baby boy is going to wake up from his nap, and I don't want to get elbow deep in washing his bottles when he's going to need me.
I feel overwhelmed all the time
I feel like I have 100 things to do every day, and I can only get 10 of them done.
I feel like I can't give 100% of myself to anything
I feel like I'm letting everyone around me down
I have realized that I can never accomplish everything that I want to accomplish in one day, but I'm not okay with that (yet)
I don't know how to work from home, care for my son, and keep a nice house.
As hard as I try every day, I cannot get Levi on a routine. I try to be consistent with feedings, naps, amount of playtime, etc. but he just won't cooperate. He's not fussy about it - he just is so inconsistent with the amount of sleep he needs and when.
He never asks to eat. He never fusses, so it's hard to tell when he needs anything. I can tell when he's tired because he rubs his eyes and yawns and sometimes fusses - but even if he acts like he's as tired as possible, sometimes he'll go to sleep for 20 minutes and then be WIDE awake and smiley. I've tried just keeping him in bed for at least an hour each time he goes down for a nap, but I just can't walk out of the room when he doesn't seem tired in the least, and he's as happy as can be.
Sometimes he eats a 6oz bottle and doesn't seem satisfied. Sometimes he'll refuse to eat altogether.
How can I plan for my day and get anything done when I have no idea what to expect? How can I call a client when I put Levi down for a nap, when he could wake up at any moment?
And now, he's taking a nap at 9:30 - and his bed time is around 10?!?! How does that work?
It's not so much a problem of the amount of things that I have to do... the problem is my approach. There are enough hours in the day... I just don't know how to manage my time, especially when I'm not the one in charge of my time anymore.
I don't know how people with multiple children do it...
Help... seriously. Any advice is gladly welcomed!