So I'm in a Best Western in Lawton Oklahoma. I had never heard of Lawton until a few days ago. Jarrod is playing with the Lawton Philharmonic this weekend, and instead of me and Levi missing him and being home alone all weekend, we thought we'd join him. It's pretty amazing how much stuff we had to bring to be gone for such a short period of time. Our little Jetta was packed - front seat, back seats, and trunk. It's not all Levi's fault though, when you're traveling with a tuba player and his mute - space is very limited. Good thing we traded the beetle in!
So, a few nights ago, Jarrod didn't have to be anywhere in the early morning, so I thought I would ask him if he wanted to do a night time feeding since Levi was introduced to a bottle. I was SO excited. I'm getting more used to it, but it's so hard to wake up every three hours for at least 45 minutes EVERY night. I feel like I can never catch up.
I was dumb and volunteered to warm up his bottle, because I felt bad that when I get up at night, I don't actually have to get out of bed. So I thought I could warm up his bottle and crawl back into bed and go to sleep while Jarrod dealt with the feeding, burping, and diapering. WRONG!! Levi let us know he was hungry, and I got up to go prepare his bottle. By the time I got to the kitchen, his little wake up grunts turned into to cries. By the time I got the water warm enough to heat the bottle, his cries had turned to screams. This child hardly ever cries, so it breaks my heart to hear it. There I was in the kitchen while my baby is in the other room crying in hunger. I felt like such a bad mom - I was making him cry so that I could get some sleep. So by the time I gave Jarrod the bottle (which wasn't quite warm yet, but I couldn't take the crying anymore), he was gulping. I felt horrible. Once I laid down, I was the one who was crying. I was upset because he was so upset and hungry, and also because I was TOTALLY awake at this point, and there was no way I was falling back to sleep until the feeding, burping, diapering was over. So not only did I feel terrible for making him cry to gain a little sleep, but I didn't actually gain any sleep. It was nice though, to not be the one in charge. It was nice to lay there and watch knowing that I could go to sleep if I wanted to - and that if Levi decided to stay awake after he finished eating, that Jarrod would be responsible for putting him back to sleep.
I do like watching Jarrod feed Levi, and I know that he enjoys it too - but I don't like this whole giving him a bottle thing. It just seems so unnatural, and selfishly I like being his sole source of sustenance. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed nursing until I had to stand back and watch someone else feed my child (even if it was my child's father!) I think we'll stick to nursing for now as much as possible.