Tuesday, May 20, 2008

There REALLY is a baby in there!!!

This is my baby! I can't believe it, really. I was SHOCKED at how much it looked like a baby already. Thebaby is upside down in this pic. In person, it looked even more like a real baby. You could see it's arms and legs - it was even moving and reacting to my movements. Unbelievable.

The left side of the picture below is the heartbeat, which we actually got to hear! I didn't think we would get to hear it this early. It was beating at 172 BPM. NORMAL :-)

Today, I officially ran the gamut of emotions. In a matter of minutes, I was nervous, anxious, excited, terrified, furious, sad, relieved, uncomfortable, in pain, embarrassed, exhilarated, beyond happy, in awe, a little weirded out... that on top of having a big headache, being light headed and nauseous. IT WAS GREAT!
When I first got there, they told me that they weren't accepting my insurance. I just about freaked... my eyes welled up with tears and I had to bite my lip to keep from bawling right there. I have been counting down the days to this appointment for almost a month now. I couldn't sleep last night in anticipation, and my heart would not stop pounding for about two hours prior to even leaving the house - and then they tell me that they don't take my insurance!!! The lady disappeared for a minute, came back and said everything is fine and to fill out the forms.

For those of you who don't know, I suffer with all sorts of anxiety. My anxiety takes on severe physical symptoms when 1. I am about to get shots 2. when I'm going to fly on an airplane. I was hoping that my excitment about the appointment would override my anxiety about getting my blood drawn. It did, until a few hours before the appointment. My heart was pounding, my stomach hurting, my hands shaking, my brain in overdrive. I know it's irrational, and I have never been in pain while getting my blood drawn, so I'm not sure why I react this way. Same with flying, logically I know that I will get to the other side just fine. My body just won't listen to my brain saying "STEPHANIE, IT DOESN'T HURT... WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?" But it doesn't work that way.

Jarrod came with me. That was a huge help. They took my blood after all the other prodding around and the sonogram, so I was fairly "warmed" up. I am going to be a mommy, so I have to be a big girl about these things... and I'm pretty sure that getting my blood drawn is about the least painful thing that I have in store for me in the months ahead.

When the nurse first brought in the sonogram machine and left the room, my eyes filled up with tears. I wasn't sure up to that point if I was going to have a sonogram or not. When it came time to do the actual sonogram though, I wasn't as emotional. I can't describe the feeling - it was surreal. I was looking at an actual baby growing inside of me, and listening to a heat beat coming from my stomach instead of my chest. Two completely separate heart beats inside my body - whoa. Jarrod felt the same way. It still doesn't quite feel real, but I feel a little safer now seeing that my baby is growing the way it's supposed to be, and has a heart beat and LOOKS LIKE A BABY.

After the huge emotional roller coaster, on top of the feeling sick, I went home and went straight to bed (waking up in time for American Idol - go David Cook).

Thank you, Lord, for the awesome opportunity that you have given me to raise one of your children. Keep it safe, if you desire... and teach me to be the mother you need me to be. Amen.

Parents! What!?!?

No baby bump yet

10 weeks along, 30 weeks to go, December 15th, ready or not - here we come


GloryandGrace said...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, how many times did I tell you last night how excited I am?!?!?!?

When is your next appointment?

And as a sidenote, praise the Lord for His provision in them accepting your insurance!

jennypen said...

I'm crying - it started with the picture of you and Jarrod as parents and the sweet prayer. Thanks for sharing more of the story. This fills me with so much joy.


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