Tuesday, November 4, 2008


I can't wait to post about the incredible baby shower that Jennifer, Ashley, and Carissa threw for me at my wonderful Grandparents in law's home on Sunday... But, I'm waiting on a few pictures to go along with the post.

So instead, I will tell you about a 2 traumatic experiences I had today. TRAUMATIC!

1. A little background: I don't like water. I don't like to drink it either, but mostly I don't want it in my face. I do not swim, I don't want to put my face in the water. I took only baths so I could keep my face out of the water until I was forced to shower on a college campus (since then I have graduated to showers, but still LOVE the occasional... okay, frequent... bath). When I wash my face, soap is gently applied to everywhere but my eyes and surrounding area and then wiped off with wet hands or rag... water is NEVER splashed onto my face under any circumstances EVER. My eyes mostly remain shut in the shower for fear of getting water into them. So, this morning (okay, afternoon) I was taking my shower before leaving to go to my 34 week check up, and I was getting the soap out of the wall mounted soap dispenser (at eye level). As the cap to the soap closed, a HUGE glob of blue mentholated body wash with those tiny scrubber balls FLEW into my EYEBALL!!! It took a few seconds before the pain set in. Then, an incredible amount of pain and sheer panic. What do I do? It's too painful to open my eye, let alone open it and splash water into it! All I wanted to do was close my eye as hard as I could and put a towel on my face and rub my eye... but I knew that was the last thing I should do. I kept repeating "Help me, God... Help me, God." I really thought I was never going to be able to open my eye, and that I would have to call someone to drive me to the doctors appointment. (I will point out also that I have near perfect sight in one eye, and my other eye is pretty much there for decoration. The soap went into the good eye. I also was not born with the ability to only open one eye, so I had to keep both of my eyes closed this whole time) Anyway, I was able to muster enough courage to open my eyes, and I pooled some water into my palm and placed my face in it (I probably didn't get it anywhere close to my eye... who knows.) It turned out fine. It stung for a few hours though.

2. Can it get more traumatic than that? Yes, it most certainly can. No background needed for this one. I am your typical girl, and I'm sure many would have reacted similarly. We were over at my in-laws house, and we were getting ready to leave. We just put Phoebe's leash on, and I slipped on my flip flops. Deb (my mother-in-law) mentioned that Phoebe seemed rather interested in my shoes. I looked down and she was "pouncing" on them. I took a few steps, and she kept on. I couldn't think of why she was doing this. Then I felt my leg and realized that a bug probably was on my shoe, and was now lodged in my pants. At this point, I was not panicked... I just told Jarrod and Deb "I think there is a bug in my pants." Jarrod ordered me to the bathroom to take off my pants and see. I told him I didn't want to take them off because I didn't want to see it if there was one - but what other option did I have, really? So I went into the bathroom and pulled my pants down, and what did I see!?!??!?!?! A GIANT ROACH!!!!!!! A GIANT ROACH WAS IN MY PANTS!!! A GIANT ROACH WAS ON MY SHOE AND CRAWLED UP MY LEG AND WAS IN MY PANTS!!!!! I proceeded to scream, and freak out and flail myself around the bathroom like a fool. I came out of the bathroom (the roach trailing behind me), and informed Deb and Jarrod, who were already in tears from laughing so hard. I was a combination laughing and crying, and just being hysterical in general. This was ugly. If you've ever seen me really really laugh, you've seen me uncontrollably snort and cough. Not cute, not pretty and only a few have seen it. Add in some tears and hysterics to this already wobbly totally un graceful nearly nine month pregnant lady... and you have quite a show. I kept feeling it on my leg, and kept imagining it going up my pants. Unbelievable.

I am very well aware that I am prone to hysterics, and that neither one of these experiences would have been traumatic to most... but these two events will go down in Stef history as some of the most terrifying experiences of my life. Pitiful, I know.


jennypen said...

Forgive me for cracking up, please. I'm truly sorry I missed out on the laugh/snort.

Were these instances worse than getting pooed on by a bird?

(I will get some pics to you tomorrow, after our last 1/2 off Wed. zoo trip.)

Carissa said...

Did you not get the three I emailed to you and your mom? I will send again this morning.

GloryandGrace said...

I'm sitting here crying and laughing at work all at the same time~

I can completely imagine the roach thing because I would do the EXACT SAME THING (including feeling an imaginary one hours later)!!!!! Oh, yes, I would say that's traumatic regardless of what others think!

And yes, I can very vividly imagine what you looked like as you were freaking out in front of your family :)

Aaron and April said...

Did I mention that it still hurts to laugh? I needed the chuckle though. I really thought one of your traumatic events was going to be something that happened at the doctor. How did that go? Keep Aunt April and Uncle Aaron posted!!

Diedra said...

Thanks for the good belly laugh. Sorry for the trauma, but 2 great stories:o)

Amber said...


jeniferkarianne said...

I was laughing the whole blog. Stef...you really should write a book!!!

Anonymous said...

Reading that post reminded me of just how funny you are. :) You have always been a great story teller!

I miss you

April Shepherd


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